Daddys

The 1 year old "Mammy,Daddys odd"
Me - "what did you say?"
The 1 year old- "Daddy is odd"

Fog horns

The 3 year old " Mammy,if we had a fog horn then we could tell all the fog to go away"

Missing Daddy

The 3 year old - "Mammy when will daddy be home?"
Me - "aww,do you miss him?"
The 3 year old - "no mammy,I miss ipad."

Emergency Instructions

Today D [5 and a half years old] wrote an emergency page, to be used in case of attack by criminal elements. You might find it useful for your own emergencies involving robbers breaking into your house and stealing your things:

Emergency Instructions (by D, age 5 ½)

1. First, punch the robber in the face. (Uncle Niall must be so proud of the influence he's having on my darling children ;-)   ) 
2. Tell Mammy
3. Take back the things the robber stole
4. Mammy will ring the police
5. The police will come and take the robber to jail.

 Seems completely reasonable to me.

Superpowers

Me: "Caoimhe, what are your superpowers?"
Caoimhe: "I can make everybody love me."



She may have a point:)

Sisterly Love...

"AAGGHHHH,I hate my sister.
Mammy..Why do I hate my sister all the time except when she is gone, then I miss her?"

Polar Bears

Walking home from school today a big black dog came out of a driveway to sniff us..
Caoimhe informed me if he was sitting he would be a polar bear but as he was walking on 4 legs he was not.

Weapons

D (5-year old): What are weapons?
Mammy: Guns and knives are weapons. Most things could be used as weapons, even a pencil.
C (3-year old): So that's why were not allowed poke people with pencils, mammy?
Mammy (Inquisitively): Does that happen a lot, C?
C: No... Well, sometimes it happens a bit.

The benefits of remarriage...

We had been talking about coronations since the two elder girls are infatuated with Disney's Frozen:

D (5-years old): "The only way you'll become a king is to marry a queen."
Daddy: "Yes. Or a princess that's about to become a queen. But I don't think I have time to do that - I'm quite busy being married to Mammy."
D (over her shoulder, and in a tone that indicated I really should have thought of this before her): "Remarry!"

...so that's me (and my wife) told then, I guess...

D (5-year old): "Can I tell you a joke? Mammy thinks it's a bit funny."
Daddy: "Sure."
D: "Where do people keep their cars?"
Daddy (playing along): "I don't know. Where do people keep their cars?"
D: "On their car insurance!"
Mammy (leaving the room, laughing at the look on Daddy's face): "She heard it on the radio earlier and has remembered it wrong."
D (pointedly to Daddy): "I don't even know what car insurance is!!!"

Fail!!

Heard through the door....

D: "Are you a fail?"
C: "What does that mean?"
D: "It is a different type of Dead. If Caolán was grown up and he was a spy and killed you then you would be failed."

Peppa Pig!

We are used to having 2 bossy big girls but yesterday the 16 month old said "Daddy,google Peppa Pig" he is a boy of few words but knows what he wants!!

Shelves of stones

D (5-years old): "I also like stones. I have brought shelves of stones."

I have no idea what the context for this is, sorry. Not a clue. None.

Daddy the Elephant

ooh an open laptop logged in to blogger....
Lets have a C (3-year old) song to celebrate:

To the tune of Nelly the Elephant:
C: "Daddy the elephant packed his bags and said good bye to the circus,
And off he went with a grumpity grump, grump - grump - grump.

Mr. Smee

After a particularly intricate conversation regarding Jake and the Neverland Pirates, Captain Hook being naughty and Mr. Smee removing the "tail skin" from a bird, before the bird flew away:

C (3-years old): "I wish you were Mr. Smee, Daddy."
Daddy (slightly confused): "Why is that?"
C: "Because you're a boy."
Daddy: "If I were Mr. Smee, I'd have to be naughty. Is Daddy naughty*?"
C (pausing to think deeply on this question, then responding with absolute certainty): "Yes!"

That's me told then.

* I sometimes refer to myself in the third person for dramatic effect, particularly when trying to establish whether I've been naughty or not.

Handles on traffic lights

After stopping the second time and explaining to the over-enthusiastic 5-year old that we had to stop at red lights:

C (3-years old): "Traffic lights have handles."
Daddy (confused, but interested to see where this is going): "..."
C: "If they didn't have handles they'd fall over."
Daddy: "Ah, yes. All the traffic lights are on poles so they don't fall over."
C: "Yes. Handles."

A few

C (3-years old): "Mammy, how many is a few?"
Mammy: "3, or 4, or 5."
C: "Can I have a few biscuits please? Five!?!"