Wednesday, 8 August 2018

Absent Parenting

Daughter (4 y/o, accusingly): You weren't there when I was born, Mammy!

Thursday, 2 August 2018


Son (5 y/o): Daddy, will you help me to save the universe, or destroy it?
Daddy: Erm, save it?
Son: Good. That means four of us will save it: Mammy, Me, you and Daughter1; and two will try to destroy it: Daughter2 and Daughter3.

I should clarify that this came out of nowhere. I should probably investigate why two of my darling daughters are planning to destroy the universe, and whether I'll be expected to pay for it...

Not now

4 y/o is lying on the dining room floor naked, wrapped in her favourite unicorn blanket:

Daddy: Would you like to get dressed?
Daughter (4 y/o): I am going to get dressed not now. Can I have a tablet? I've never had a tablet...  today.
Daughter (now singing, while performing an enviable downward looking dog yoga pose): Look at my bottom, my bottom, my big, big giant bottom!
Daughter: Mammy, can I go outside?
Mammy & Daddy (simultaneously): If you get dressed.

Frankly, the only surprising thing is how frequently this kind of interaction happens... ;-)

Monday, 30 July 2018

From tonight's impromptu dinner-table singalong, from the 4 y/o:

"I don't want to destroy the universe,
I just want to turn it into Ribena."

Saturday, 28 July 2018

Fear of Storms

Rain starts falling after an unseasonably long dry-spell. We're sitting in the balcony, which is covered but a few drops blow in.
Daughter (4 y/o): Come inside, Daddy! Before your tea gets wet!
Son (6 y/o): Tea is already made of water.
Daughter: Come inside, Daddy, before you get too much water in your tea.

There was also some discussion between the two of them about having to come inside due to a ghost. No idea!

Whack in the Face?

While eating lunch on the balcony:
Daughter (4 y/o): Mammy, would you like a whack in the face?
Mammy: No, thank you.
Daughter (4 y/o, slightly disappointed, now brandishing a rainbow coloured sock): It's just with a smelly sock...

Friday, 27 July 2018

A fairly standard dinner conversation at our house: 
Daughter2 (4 y/o): Sweetcorn is grown like grapes, because they are both juicy. But they are different colours. And their juice tastes different.
Daughter1 (7 y/o): I know how to grow a potato. Put a potato in a bowl, and put no dirt in. And then water it. Then put in a tiny bit of food, which is dirt. And most importantly, keep it safe from greenfly.
Son (5 y/o,  shouting): And dinosaurs!
Daughter1 (7 y/o): They are extinct! They don't exist any more.
Daughter2 (4 y/o): Unicorns still exist. Just on a different planet!
Daughter1 (7 y/o): Yes. Unicornia: the heaven of unicorns. You can't exactly bring yourself to heaven with a teleporter, mostly because heaven doesn't really exist. And God doesn't really exist.
Mammy: Remember, you have to respect other people's opinions on religion too.
Daughter1 (7 y/o): Yes, like the way that you're not allowed to push us off a balcony.