Fired...

Our elf-on-the-shelf has been particularly naughty this year and ended up climbing up a candle stick that we have sitting in the fireplace.

Mammy: Why is Elfie climbing up the candle stick?
C (5 y/o, without hesitation): Maybe she's going to be fired?

That's a pretty damn good pun for a 5-year old.

Reindeer abuse

My 4 y/o is playing quietly at the kitchen table, muttering to herself and generally quite happy with Christmas stickers and various toys. I'm always impressed at her commitment to imagination and role play, where she gives at least 110% every time:

4 y/o (shouted!): Who pooped on my antlers??!?

Seems I need to look further into the theme and inspiration for this particular piece of pretend play...

Daddy's shopping needs

My wife and 4 y/o are shopping:

4 y/o: Daddy needs beer. And tea! Daddy needs tea.
4 y/o (thinking a bit...): But when there is no tea he drinks gin instead. Daddy loves gin!

I think I need a small medicinal gin & tonic ;-)

Christmas songs

Christmas songs that didn't make it big....

To the tune of 'Frosty the Snowman':

Frosty the reindeer,
Is a cow with antlers on,
He has shiny hooves,
And he pulls a sleigh,
And he like to smoke his bong.

Frosty the reindeer,
Gives us milk when it's not yule,
And it's said he makes
Very tasty steaks,
And the best filet minion.

Toilet training

While basic toilet training took only a few weeks for each child, learning a more complete etiquette is still a work in progress years later, leading to exchanges like this:

[Flush]
Mammy (to Daddy): That's amazing - she's actually flushed the toilet.
Daddy (to the 4y/o): Did you wash your hands?
4 y/o (proudly): I don't need to. My hands are smooth and soft!