Screwing it up...

S (3 year old, handing me a clockwork toy) : Screw it up, Daddy!
Me: You mean, wind it up?
S : Yes, Daddy - screw it up!

Dancing

Mammy (to C, 6 years old) : I see you've not been busy tidying. (C was supposed to be emptying the dish-washer.)

C (6 years old) : I have been busy! I've been dancing with a spatula.

C and her affiliation with some secret (possibly criminal) organisation

D (8 years old): C (her sister, 6-years old) is terrible at keeping secrets
Me : I think that's probably okay. She doesn't have a lot of secrets to keep, does she?
D (very seriously) : What if she's part of a secret organisation and tells people about it and dies a slow of horrible death.
Me : Do you think that's likely?
D (equally seriously) : It's C.

Infinity

4 y/o: Infinity doesn't exist.
Me: It does. But we can never count to infinity.
4 y/o: I can count to infinity!
Me: Can you?
4 y/o: Yes. Infinity comes after 1,038. (Sadly, realising he can't count to infinity after all.) But I can't count to 1,038.
(4 y/o goes back to playing football in the house, which he's been asked repeatedly to not do.)
4 y/o: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAALLLLLLLLL!!!

Age

Teaching critical evaluation to children is sometimes difficult:

Me: Today is your aunt's birthday. She's a million years old.
4 y/o: I know!

mushrooms

Having children is #4

Skirting the fine line every day around the reality of the old Croatian proverb:

"All mushrooms are edible, though some only once."

The single-use stairs

Screaming, followed by crying from my son (2.5 years old)
I rush out, thinking he's been hurt on the stairs...
 
Me: What's wrong?
C (2.5 years old): Bran (our dog) went downstairs.
Me (slightly confused): But Bran is allowed to go downstairs.
C (through sobs): But *I* wanted to go downstairs.