Age

Teaching critical evaluation to children is sometimes difficult:

Me: Today is your aunt's birthday. She's a million years old.
4 y/o: I know!

mushrooms

Having children is #4

Skirting the fine line every day around the reality of the old Croatian proverb:

"All mushrooms are edible, though some only once."

The single-use stairs

Screaming, followed by crying from my son (2.5 years old)
I rush out, thinking he's been hurt on the stairs...
 
Me: What's wrong?
C (2.5 years old): Bran (our dog) went downstairs.
Me (slightly confused): But Bran is allowed to go downstairs.
C (through sobs): But *I* wanted to go downstairs.

milk lake

Having children is #3

Discovering the EU milk lake on the living room floor because the boy decided he could pour a drink for himself.

Also, ceasing to worry about whether milk is good or not good for the cat. If he's helping in the mop-up operation he's welcome to whatever he can drink.

loo-roll

Having children is #2

Always having three separate toilet rolls on the go at any given point in time:

1. The almost dry one that's usable, if you're careful.
2. The completely sodden roll that's drying on the radiator because your son has discovered the sink is the best play-thing in the whole house. And now he's strong enough to turn on the taps, no matter how tight they're twisted closed.
3. The new, pristine dry one up on the high shelf, that's only for visitors.

slime

Having children is #1

Having children is not knowing whether the slime on the bathroom tap you've just touched is toothpaste or yoghurt... or something else.

Exercise Bike

C (4 y/o) is standing on the exercise bike trying to integrate a large clothes hanger into the handlebars, possibly. I'm not really sure, so I ask...

Daddy: What are you doing?
C: Exercise bike!!!!
Daddy: Random nouns are not great answers. What are you doing?
C: [deliberately drops large clothes hanger on the ground]  BooooooOOM!
Daddy: (questioning look...)
C: Exercise!!!

... I'm kinda sorry I asked, but somewhat impressed by the surreality of the exchange.