If you get killed...

I'm explaining to C (6 y/o) that it's considered unhelpful to kill your teammate in a co-operative online game.

S (5 y/o): I know what you should do if someone kills you in real life: you should tell on them!
C (6 y/o): But if you're dead, you can't do that.
S (5 y/o): Well, if you're almost killed in real life, you should tell Mammy.

Poopies!

6 y/o (to the tune of "Go West" by the Pet Shop Boys):
  Poopies, fell out of the sky,
  Poopies, no need to ask why...

I'm unsure if I should be more concerned about the lyrics he has made up, or that he knows "Go West" by the Pet Shop Boys...

Superbutt!

5 y/o (while flying a doll around like Superman): Da-na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na Ttthbp! SUPER BUTT!!!

Truly, our house has the best super heroes... though they do seem to get into somewhat unusual situations:

5 y/o (now singing): Oh no! Your face is all tied up!

Then, from the downstairs bathroom, the voices of the 10 y/o and 8 y/o sing out in musical harmony:

10 y/o & 8 y/o (singing from the downstairs bathroom): Let me peeeeee! Let me poooooop!
5 y/o: They're crazy!

Favourites

In case there was any question as to which is the favourite parent:

S (5 y/o): Mammy, you'll miss me when I'm dead. But if Daddy was dead it would be great. We'd have lots of fun.

Marriage

S (4 y/o daughter): When I grow up, I'm going to marry Daddy!
Mammy (curious and not at all defensive that the 4 y/o is attempting to steal her husband): Why is that?
S: Because he's very handsome.
Mammy: He is of course*. Why do you think that?
S: Because he wears lovely shirts


* This might be a slightly inaccurate transcription, but I like to think this is what my lovely wife thought, even if she didn't say it out loud.

My face

My son (6 y/o) is waving a Roblox character about 3cm from my face because I'm not paying enough attention to the marvel that is this plastic Roblox creation.

Daddy: Please do not wave things in my face.
C (6 y/o): Why not?
Daddy: Because I'm using my face.
C: No you're not.

Plurals

Parenting is contemplating the linguistic implications of:

"Roses is red,
Violets is blue,
Plurals is hard,
And grammar are too."