Monday, 11 September 2017

Chew Toys...

From almost a year ago, when C (then 5 years old) was chewing on one of her toys:

Mammy: Stop chewing things or I'll get you a chew toy for school.
C (5 years old): We're not allowed two toys. We're not allowed even one toy at school!

Friday, 25 August 2017

Bathroom rail infrastructure

Having children is #6...

Having to decide whether it's safe to get in and out of the shower without having to dismantle the complex railway infrastructure that is the newest feature of the bathroom floor.

(For the record, no. No it was not safe. The bathroom floor is once again clear of model railway.)

Thursday, 24 August 2017


To appreciate the true effect, you should understand that C shouts the entire conversation, while running up and down the kitchen with wild abandon, waving a LEGO sword thing...

C ( my 4-year old son, running around the kitchen with a cape made of a multi-coloured blanket, and some LEGO in the shape of what might be a sword... or a building... it's hard to say ) : I'm a superhero!
Me : Excellent. What's your superpower?
C : Rainbows! (long pause) And super strength - so I can smash stuff!
(C throws LEGO sword thing to the ground where it smashes, spreading LEGO over half the kitchen.)
C : See?!?

Saturday, 19 August 2017


In case any readers had questions about superheros on the loo, my son appears to have given the matter significant thought...

C (4-y/o son, completely unprompted. We weren't even talking about superheros or peeing) : Ironman can't pee because he doesn't have a bottom or a penis.

Me : But how does he not explode?

C : It's okay, Daddy. Tony Stark can pee when he pulls his pants down.

Thursday, 17 August 2017

Spanish Armada

Having children is #5...

Having to remove the rapidly disintegrating paper Spanish Armada from the bathroom sink before washing your hands.

Naked Fish Fingers

C (6-year old, holding up a fish finger with a very small section missing batter ) : I'm not eating my second fish finger because I don't like to see the fish!



While discussing why my 5-year old had not eaten her lunch at school:

D (5-years old) to her mother : "I couldn't eat my lunch today because I was too distracted by string."